Excuse Me? No. First, Get To Know Me Crazy Gal!

A response from an American guy to the previous post, “First, Let’s Get Physical” 

Oh... thank god I was finally eating. When I got at the restaurant with my date, the first thing I did was to call the waitress and order a huge pizza. My stomach had been gurgling in pain all night. I was so starving that when the pizza finally got at the table I couldn’t help myself from jumping over it. And then, piece after piece, I ate almost everything.

Oh shit! I think I didn’t leave anything for her. Still, I did a great job managing the conversation; I did exactly what my bro told me to. He said: “When you’re on a date, shut the fuck up. Don’t talk about you, just ask the girl tons of questions about her; women love attention.” And that was exactly what I did. But it was effortless to keep her talking, I just had to ask some questions now and then, and she was there, talking all night long.

Ah!! Maybe that’s why she didn’t eat. She was talking so much, she didn’t have time to put food in her mouth. Hmm.. or maybe she just has an eating disorder, I don’t know. Well, but another friend of mine has a Brazilian girlfriend and he said that these girls can be a frickin chatterbox sometimes. Huh, now I might have to agree.

He also warned me about their kissing habits. In Brazil, they not only kiss each other just for fun, but they also do it everywhere. So he told me not to get too excited if she gives up waiting for me to make the first move, and ends-up jumping over me for a kiss. Kissing doesn’t mean anything for them, kissing is just part of the courting, that doesn’t mean we will have sex, or something like that. Actually, if you don’t kiss the girl at the first date, she will definitely think you’re not interested in her.

But to tell the truth, I think it’s kind of gross the way my friend told me that young people in Brazil normally kiss random people during parties. Like making out with more than one person at the same night and not even talk to them. That sounds kind of cool, but at the same time... come on! They don’t think about germs? You’re basically asking to catch a cold like that. What about knowing the person before you jump over them for a kiss? Like asking their name, and this kind of stuff. What about establishing a real connection?

Whatever, it was game day and all my bros had tickets. Such a bummer, the tickets were all sold out when I tried to buy, so I decided to go on a date. But, as soon as she left to go to the bathroom I got my phone to catch up with the game. I choose this restaurant because they were going to be playing the game, but for some reason they were not doing it. How come?

In the end she wanted to share the bill... WTF!? Does she think that I don’t have enough money to pay for her? She didn’t like going out with me? Or, she is not taking me seriously? Hmm... I like this girl!

First, Get Physical!

We were eating pizza. It was our first time going out together and I already knew that I was talking too much. I knew that because I looked down at the table and the pizza was all gone. I didn’t even finish my first piece and he had already eaten the other seven. Oh my gosh! I did not realize that my hands and I were doing all the talking for the last 30 minutes. I tried to control myself and keep them on the table, but I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and my hands still.

The less he talked, the more nervous I would get. I wanted to hear about him too, but he didn’t interrupt me once to talk about himself. Still, every time I had to make a pause to catch my breath, he would just nod, ask another weird question about my goals in life, and stuff his mouth with food. So, under these circumstances, I did what girls do better; I ran to the restroom.

It was my first time going out with an American guy and that was making me nervous. This whole dating thing was kind of awkward for me because in my country things would have been totally different. In Brazil, people are much more physical. We frequently touch, hug and kiss each other. Plus, we are not shy about expressing our feelings and affection in public.

So, if I was in Brazil, I have no doubt that the first step for this guy would be making out with me instead of asking tons of strange questions. Making out would be his way of saying: “Hey, nice to meet you! I’m attracted to you, let’s get to know each other?” Then, after making out, if we had chemistry and liked each other, we would probably exchange numbers, and maybe go out another time. I know, the Brazilian way is so nasty.

But be careful girl, in the United States, making out means that the guy might score, so he will definitely try to take you home. In this case, if you are a person that is traveling or living abroad, and you don't know the local social code, control yourself girl. Think twice before making out overseas.

In the United States for example, it seems that things happen different compared to Brazil. It’s very confusing. First, they want to know everything about you, it’s like a job interview. They want to know all your hopes and dreams, where do you work, how much do you make, if you want to have kids, all this kind of stuff. And then, just then, just after this whole nonsense interrogation, that they think about physical connection. Weird! What if you don’t have chemistry?

For me, it seems that if you don’t fulfill all their requirements, they wouldn’t even consider going out with you, they wouldn’t get emotionally involved with anybody that doesn’t achieve their expectations of a “perfect” partner. But hey, I'm not applying to be anybody's wife. What's the point of having somebody that fulfills all those requirements if you don't really like each other?

However, there I was, trying to take a break from all the dating awkwardness in that restroom with no privacy, while he was there, sitting at the table, probably also giving himself a break from all the crazy nonstop talk. Anyways, the restroom was not helping me to calm down at all.

Argh!!... Another weird thing here in the United States are the restrooms. Why do Americans design toilet cubicles that provide no privacy? This tiny crack between the door and the doorframe is definitely big enough for the other women in this restroom see me crouching, with no pants, trying not to pee on myself. So uncomfortable! Ok, I think it’s time to go back to the table or he will think that I have an upset stomach.